Desperado: A Tale of Hatter in Aliceland
by Small-Fri
Summary: Hatter is introduced to some Oyster music.


Desperado

An Alice fanfiction

Disclaimer: They're not mine. :(

Alice had gone out grocery shopping leaving Hatter alone to explore their new apartment. It was actually Jack's old apartment, but as much as Hatter hated to accept it, he had nowhere else to stay.

_It's only temporary, _he thought, while cringing at the horrible decorations. Everything was black, white, or red. _Seriously, couldn't he have come up with a better color scheme? His whole house screams_ _'I'm the heir to the Heart throne.' There's no life here. No color, no warmth. I'll have to fix that. _Hatter turned from the ugly curtains as he began to think of new color schemes and new furniture. He was particularly pleased by the idea of tossing everything that Jack owned into the trash.

"Except for maybe the box over there_,_"Hatter muttered as he eyed the box on the shelf in the living room. It was an odd box with two big speakers on each end and multiple buttons in between. Alice had told him it was a _stereo_. An odd contraption that ate flat silvery things called discs and emitted the music in the discs. Hatter thought the whole idea fascinating because no matter how hard he looked, he found no music of any kind on the the discs. There were no notes or lyrics or anything; just a funny picture on one side while the other side was reflective like a mirror. When Alice told him the music was _inside _the disc, he immediately grabbed a CD off the shelf and began to examine it, looking for a latch or something to open the CD and see the music. Needless to say, he broke the CD and Alice did her best to explain exactly how a CD and stereo worked.

Hatter grabbed a CD of the shelf. The Eagles. _Hmm...I didn't know eagles could sing_, Hatter thought as he slipped the CD into the stereo and pressed the play button. Music began to play from the speakers and Hatter smiled before leaving to examine other various and foreign objects around the apartment.

Alice returned to the apartment about an hour later. As she reached for her keys, the music of the Eagles could be heard through the door and she smiled. The Eagles were one of her favorite groups. The song playing was "Desperado" which, while not her favorite, was still a good song. As she entered the apartment she began to sing along:

_Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds_

_She'll hurt you if she can._

_You know the Queen of Hearts_

_Is always your best bet._

Her singing was cut off by a loud crash in the living room. Dropping her bags, she ran into the living room to see what happened. She was stopped short at the sight of Hatter stomping on the pieces of the shattered stereo. He was furious.

"What the HELL kind of music is THAT?" he roared.

Alice, utterly confused, approached her boyfriend carefully, while speaking in a soothing voice.

"What are you talking about?"

"The Eagles!" he roared. Alice stepped back. "These eagle people are trying to brainwash Oysterland! They're songs _seem_ to be catchy and fun but they are filled with subliminal messages! _The Queen of Hearts is always your best bet. _They're trying to make the oysters trust her! They're evil! Evil servants sent to destroy your worl—why are you laughing?"

Alice did her best to control herself, but her efforts proved futile as she fell to the floor, laughing. She laughed till she cried, and her lungs yearned for air. Her sides were aching from the muscle contractions. But try as she might, she just could not gain control of herself. Hatter on the other hand, was not laughing. In fact, he was glaring angrily at Alice and she cackled.

"Please enlighten me as to what has you in fits," he said, his voice had a hard edge to it. It was enough for Alice to gain some control.

"It's you. The music...it—it's just music, h—has no meaning!" Alice gasped as she tried to keep herself from laughing. " you're overreacting"

"I bloody well am not!" Hatter cried, indignantly. Of course the queen was using this music to brainwash the oysters. She had to be!

"Hatter, I've been listening to that music for years. So has everyone else in the world. Trust me, it's just music. It's not a subliminal message, I promise"

Hatter was skeptical.

"Are you positive?"

"Absolutely. May I be struck dead if I'm wrong." Alice waited and looked around. "Nope. No lightning bolt, no cataclysmic act that brings about my death, so I must be right. Do you believe me now?"

Hatter couldn't argue with her logic.

"Okay," he tentatively agreed, "It's just music."

Alice nodded.

"Did you have to break the stereo though? It is—was—a good one."

"Sorry. We'll go buy a new one. A better one. And we won't buy any of that _Eagles _music, just to be safe."

Alice laughed.

"Okay. We'll buy a new one." Alice smiled as she hugged her boyfriend. "I love you. Even if you don't like the Eagles"

Hatter mock glared at her. "Come on, love. Let's go buy a...uh...what are they called again?"

"A stereo"

"Stereo! Let's go buy a stereo!"

Hatter raced to the door, dragging Alice along with him. She barely had time to lock the door and they were off on another adventure in Oysterland.


End file.
